Lindsay Lohan and Pamela Anderson are the latest celebrities to profer their opinion on Sarah Palin, hot on the trail of Matt Damon. 

Well, I’m sure the Republican’s are in full damage control. I mean if Lindsay Lohan won’t vote for her, what are they to do?

Hold on a sec, Linday Lohan, the alcoholic, drunk driving, crack ho slapper? Might I suggest that you just shut the fuck up because nobody gives a fuck what you think. Just because you snorted coke off Britney’s tits in the cubicle of a Vegas nightclub doesn’t qualify you to provide commentary on political affairs. Just because you have graced more covers of trashy gossip magazines, you think that maybe by some bizarre Freaky Friday type event you have suddenly traded places and become a journalist over night. 

Let me remind all you actors what you are. Dancing monkeys. You dress in the clothes that people tell you to. You say what the writers tell you to say. You act how the director tells you to act. Nobody cares what you think. Fuck off back to rehab or pilates class if you happen to be on the wagon this week. 

Lindsay Lohan = Dancing Monkey

A number of developers are complaining about Apple rejecting Apps from their iTunes App Store that potentially compete with Apple products. 

Err, so what? This is how it breaks down:

• Apple is a business that answers to shareholders, not whiny fucking developers and bloggers. 
• Said shareholders expect the people that run the company to take every opportunity to make as much many as possible. If that means protecting their intellectual property then that is what they have to do. 
• Apple invented the fucking iPhone, iTunes and the App Store. Sure, Windows Mobile, Nokia or RIM (Blackbery) could have something similar, but they fucking didn’t did they. I bet they wish they had and are busy pushing out a shit me-too copy cat products right, but they fucking didn’t do it before Apple. 
• App Store downloads are going to hit 1 billion very shortly. That is within weeks of the launch. Don’t you fucking get it? The App Store gives you direct access to an enormous worldwide market. You don’t have to do shit! The economics are fucking mind blowing, how else can you get your product to market this directly, this fast and at basically no real up front cost. Other than your time developing the app. What the fuck else were you going to do with your time? You would have just been playing o World of Warcraft or something equally as geeky. 

Answer: Never. Fucking Republican assholes. 

Client: If I get everything to you by 10am on Monday morning can you do the job by 5pm that day?

Me: Err, but I said the job would take 12 hours. 

Client: Yeah, but we need it done urgently. 

Me: I know, that’s why you agreed to give us the go ahead for the job a week ago and we said we would do it by today. 

Client: Yeah, but we couldn’t sign it off until today. 

Me:  Well could you provide all the files and brief today so we could get started before Monday. 

Client: No, I’m really busy today and I don’t work weekends. 

Me:  No, I understand, who would want to work weekends, I apologise for suggesting that. Far be it from me to intrude on your schedule. Whereas, I’m sitting here eagerly awaiting your call so I can actually do some work. So, you are suggesting I do 12 hours work in 7 hours, would you like me to fire up the Tardis or perhaps reconfigure the Flux Capacitor to make this happen for you?

Client: Yeah, if you could do that, it would be great!

Me:  You’re an idiot. 

Client: What was that?

Me: I said that we’ll be able to have it done by Tuesday lunchtime. 

Client: Okay, great. We’re not going live until Friday, so that should work. 

[End phone call]

Me: Motherfuckaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! 

Jerry Seinfeld has sold his soul to do some stupid fucking TV commercials for Microsoft. How much fucking money do you need? Have you already blown the $100 million from the Seinfeld TV series syndication deal and however much you made from that stupid fucking Bee Movie. 

Now let’s talk about the ad itself. What coked up, arrogant advertising creative fuckwit dreamed this up. Fuck I hate advertising agencies, this is just complete shit. Everyone is talking about the clever hidden message in the ad which is going to make everyone suddenly think Microsoft is cool. Emperor’s new clothes people! This is shit, they couldn’t come up with a decent idea, so they just snorted a few more lines and sold them down the river with this piece of turd and then piled in some fucking expensive actor and director to justify the massive fucking production invoice. 

Apparently this is just the start and the geniuses in Seattle are going to let them spend $300 million on this campaign. Fuck, just make your fucking products better, you idiots. It worked for XBox 360, now just do it for the rest of them. Plus make Office a little more realistic and stop filling it with obscure stupid features that nobody fucking uses. 

While you are at it, do you think you could spring for a fucking dictionary for the people that write your error messages? What the fucking hell does “Minor loss of fidelity” mean? Does that mean you got a lap dance from that stripper, so it was only minor as you didn’t fuck her. 

Does anyone like this ad and think it is going to make you rush out and buy Vista tomorrow? If so you are a moron. Good day sir.